


Maybe This Christmas

by carolinablu85



Category: As the World Turns
Genre: Christmas, M/M, Reunited and It Feels So Good, Schmoop, Silly Boys Being Silly and Dumb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-29
Updated: 2011-12-29
Packaged: 2017-10-28 09:34:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/306470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carolinablu85/pseuds/carolinablu85
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He wasn't exactly in the Christmas spirit... Luke is in for a Christmas surprise, whether he wants one or not. (a Post-Show Reunion!)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Maybe This Christmas

**Author's Note:**

> Written last year off a prompt from a gift exchange on LJ- Enjoy! Thanks for reading!

_You’d think, with everyone’s vast experience in lying, that they’d be a bit better at it._

Luke slammed his car door shut a little harder than was strictly necessary. But the damn car deserved it. It was doing that weird ‘clanging’ sound again, the one that seemed to mock him every time he pressed on the gas pedal. And he had no idea how to fix it- last time it had made that noise Noah had been the one to figure out... 

No.

It was the car’s fault. And his family’s fault. And Casey’s and Ali’s- all of them. They were all acting just a little secretive, avoiding making concrete plans with him for the weekend and yet for some reason still making sure he was going to be around... Something was up. He could tell. 

He mentally groaned and grumbled as he entered Java. It was probably some plot to get him to celebrate the holidays or whatever. It wasn’t going to work. The three fucking Ghosts of Christmases past, present, and yet-to-come could appear right now, and he’d run them over with his stupid clanging car without a second thought. 

He wasn’t exactly in the Christmas Spirit. 

He just wished he knew what they were hiding. And why. It was- 

There was a murmur of voices near him as he sat down. That wasn’t what caught his attention, but that’s how it started. But then one voice broke through. Because they were saying that name.  _The_  name. The name he’d been trying to avoid for weeks. The name he associated with Christmas way too damn much. 

Which meant he had to eavesdrop, right? 

Jeff and some blonde girl- Luke knew he should know her name- were gossiping quietly at the counter. “Just for two days, I think,” Jeff was saying. “Then he has to get back to L.A. for some film festival thing.” 

Noah was coming here? To Oakdale? 

“I can’t believe he came in when I was at lunch!” Blonde Girl exclaimed. “I want to say hi to him too!” 

Jeff grinned, rolling his eyes a little. “He said he’d stop in one more time before he went back.” 

Noah was  _already_  here? In Oakdale? 

Luke gripped his coffee cup tighter. Noah. About a thousand and one different moods and emotions clawed through his brain in that moment. Noah was in Oakdale. Was... was home. 

They hadn’t really spoken in weeks. Not since Thanksgiving and the kiss. Or, more accurately, The Kiss. 

It had been worthy of capital letters. In both good and bad ways. 

They hadn’t planned it, that was for sure. It was one of those ‘because you make me forget about everything that’s happened and everyone that’s happened and everything in the fucking universe’ kisses. And of course it had been at the airport, right outside security, right before Noah had gone back to Los Angeles. 

And no contact since. 

And now he was here? 

 _Fuck._  Luke set his coffee mug down with a decisive, bordering-on-angry thud.  _Fuck._  Noah was in Oakdale for, what, two days? Was he planning on avoiding Luke for all that time? And just Luke, obviously. This was why everyone was keeping tabs on him for the weekend. He must have asked his parents and Casey and everyone not to tell Luke. 

Because Noah obviously didn’t want to see him. 

Well, fine. Maybe  _he_  didn’t want to see  _Noah_. It wasn’t like Noah had tried to call him after The Kiss. Okay, he had called once and Luke hadn’t answered. But that was it. He hadn’t called at all after that. No emails, no random postcards or letters, nothing. What the hell was Luke supposed to think? 

And now this? When all Luke did was associate Noah with this holiday, when all he did was think of him, Noah was avoiding him- them- all together. On purpose. And he had roped everyone in town into helping him do it. 

The shock and tension gave way pretty quickly then to full-on anger. How could he? What gave Noah the right to do this to him? 

He was up and out of Java before he even realized it. The bitter, frigid wind that had been so freezing and miserable on his walk into Java was nonexistent now, thanks to the burning anger in his brain. It was all he felt. 

And the universe continued to fuck with him. Right then and there. Because right outside of Old Town, in a small side parking lot (how sneaky), loading something into the trunk of a car that Luke vaguely recognized as Ali’s, was Noah ‘Why-Can’t-Things-Ever-Be-Simple-With-Us’ Mayer. 

For a second Luke just stared, sweeping his eyes up and down Noah’s long body, and for a second the heat inside him was from something completely different. But then  _that_  made him even more angry for some reason. Damn it, it wasn’t right that Noah thought he could just sneak into and out of town. And he wasn’t going to be here right now, all tall and... and  _tall_  and distract Luke from that. No way. 

He squared his shoulders, pulled the armor of his coat tighter around himself, and marched forward. He came to a stop right behind Noah as he shut the trunk lid. Luke determinedly kept his eyes above the waistline. He was pissed. He wasn’t checking out Noah’s ass. “Last minute shopping?” he asked, making sure to have more bite in his voice to disguise the nerves. 

Any other time/day/universe, Luke would’ve laughed at the way Noah jumped and whirled around, eyes wide and deer-like. He mouthed Luke’s name, as though his surprise wouldn’t let him work up enough voice for the word. He cleared his throat and tried again. “What- what are you doing here?” 

He arched an eyebrow. “You seem surprised.” 

Noah stuttered a little more. “I th-thought you were supposed to be at Worldwide all day...” 

Meaning he had been keeping track of Luke’s schedule. Or gotten someone to help him. Luke let out a short laugh. “Oh, just taking a break, getting a coffee fix at Java. Also, I fucking live here. What are  _you_  doing here, Noah?” 

Noah bit the inside of his cheek, shifting back a little on his feet. Nervous. Guilty.  _Of course,_  Luke growled to himself. “I, um, I didn’t want you to find out th-” 

“It’s Oakdale. Did you really think I wouldn’t find out what you were doing?” Luke took a step closer, narrowing his eyes, holding Noah’s gaze. 

And then, for some odd reason, Noah had the audacity to offer a smile. To actually  _smile._  “I was kinda hoping, yeah. But now that you-” 

“And you thought you could just sneak in and sneak out? That you could play me for some sort of fool?” He glared, shaking his head. “You think I’m that stupid?” 

Noah was wary now, and looking more than a little confused. Which just somehow pissed Luke off even more. “No, Luke, I was just trying to-” 

“To what?” Luke’s voice was rising of its own volition. “Celebrate the holidays with my family but not with me? Because I don’t matter? Because it’s easier without me?” 

Noah’s eyes got impossibly wider. “What? No! Luke, the whole reason I’m here is because I-” 

“Because you can’t stand to be alone, but you can’t stand to be with me, right?” he snapped. 

Noah went very still, very quiet. “Is that what you think? Is that what you think of me?” he asked, sounding so much smaller than he actually was. 

Luke refused to give into the pitiable look. “What am I supposed to think? You sneak into town without telling me, without talking to me for weeks, and I-” 

“I called you!” Noah burst out, getting louder, matching Luke’s anger now. “You didn’t answer! You didn’t call me back! You never tried to contact  _me!”_  

“So you just gave up?” he took another step closer. 

“Like you gave up on me?” Noah didn’t back away, but he didn’t get closer either. 

Oh. That kinda hurt. Luke shook his head. “Well, what’s the point now? Out of... out of everything and everyone, Noah, I never thought you’d do this to me.” 

Noah was glaring right back now. “Right, of course. Because everything I do and everything anyone does is all about you. I forgot that rule. I guess I’ve been away for too long, huh?” He turned then, getting into the car. 

“Yeah, you have,” Luke was done yelling. He was so damn tired. “And maybe that’s for the best. You want to spend Christmas with everyone  _but_  me, apparently. So, you know what, go for it. Have a real fucking happy holiday. I’ll send your card to California.” 

“Don’t bother,” Noah had that small voice again. Even smaller, “ _I_  shouldn’t have bothered.” Then he pulled the door shut. 

Luke turned before he had to watch Noah drive away. 

************

He was still fuming when he got back to his apartment. (He should have gone back to Worldwide, but... no. After that run-in with Noah? No.) He kept his head down, gritting his teeth so tightly his jaw cramped and hurt. He shoved his keys into the lock, still forgetting which key was to the building and which was to his front door, and stomped inside. 

And stopped short, nearly falling over. 

His apartment, which had been bare and sparse for several reasons (one- he had just moved in, and two- the previously mentioned lack of Christmas spirit), was full. Not of people, but of decorations. Strings of Christmas lights bordered every window, as did ropes of garland and holly. Candles were lit, decorating table tops and the fireplace mantel. Paper snowflakes covered the walls and windows. A Santa hat was hanging randomly from the hat rack in the corner. 

And there was a tree. Perfectly sized and shaped, standing in a previously empty corner of the living room. Ornaments, lights, popcorn strings, tinsel... there was even a star on top. It was all so beautiful, inviting. Warm. Wonderful. For the first time since moving in here, it felt kinda like a home. 

Luke finally became aware of smells and sounds coming from the kitchen.  _A-ha._  He dropped his messenger back to the floor next to the hat rack, heading towards the culprit. “Hello?” he called out, wondering which family member was in charge of this operation. 

Sure enough, Emma Snyder (they were pulling out the big guns, apparently) appeared in the doorway, a dishtowel in hand. “Luke! What are you doing back so early?” 

He smiled, still glancing around at all the decorations. “Had kind of a weird day, Grandma. What are you doing here? With all of this? Why?” He walked over to her, trying to see what she was cooking in the kitchen. It smelled familiar... 

Emma smiled wide, beaming. “Oh, honey, I didn’t do any of it! Just the cooking, but even  _that_  wasn’t my idea. I’d never cook it otherwise, of course. But I’m under strict orders to-” 

Luke finally was able to get past her to see what was cooking on the stove. And his eyes went wide for maybe the fiftieth time today. 

Grilled cheese. And not just any kind of grilled cheese. They were burned. Emma Snyder would never purposefully burn a grilled cheese sandwich. Which meant... “Noah?” he whispered. 

Her smile answered him first. “It was all his idea, sweetheart. He’s been decorating like a madman all day.” 

The bottom dropped out of his brain. Or, that’s how it felt. His head was ringing.  _What?!_  “All this? Him?” he managed. 

“You’re not supposed to know yet,” she said fondly. “He wanted to surprise you with everything. He got Ethan and Natalie to help make the snowflakes, but he did all the rest himself. And your mother used her spare key to get him in. I offered to cook so he’d take a break for a bit- though why he wanted them  _burned_  I just don’t understand- but he should be back any minute...” she trailed off, finally noticing the look on his face. “Luke?” 

“He did all this?” Luke leaned back against the wall, needing the support. Fuck, fuck, fuck. “But I thought...” 

Emma eyed him. “What’s wrong?” she asked after a moment of studying him. Grandmotherly intuition strikes again. 

“I saw him,” he answered softly. “In Old Town. And I thought he- that he didn’t want to see me. I didn’t know he was going to be here, and then when he- we- I...” he shrugged lamely. Fuck, fuck, fuck. 

Luckily, his grandmother was well-versed in Snyder-speak. “Oh, honey,” she sighed. “He’s been planning this for weeks. He knew you probably wouldn’t be in a big celebrating mood, and he wanted to do something for you.” 

He just barely managed to keep from repeating the  _fuck, fuck, fuck_  out loud. And he might’ve said it anyway, but his phone chirped at just the right moment. 

He fumbled with it, shock still clouding some of his basic motor functions. It was a text from Casey, and somehow he was both surprised and not at all surprised by that. 

 _ **He's with us. U'r both really fucking dumb.**_  

He smirked a little, couldn’t help it. Then he looked up at Emma. “Grandma, I have to-” 

She waved a hand towards the door. “Go, Luke. I’ll finish up this food. For the both of you.” She didn’t wait for a response, just pushed him out of the kitchen. 

He pondered and pondered the entire drive to the Hughes household, and by the time he got to their front door... he still had no idea what to say. And Ali’s face when she answered the door didn’t really help. 

“Um, hey,” he waved, shifting a little on his feet. Unconsciously mirroring the stance Noah had had in the parking lot earlier. “He’s here?” 

She glared, somehow still managing to look sad at the same time. “He’s here. We had to stop him from getting on a plane back to L.A. tonight.” At the look on his face, she sighed, shaking her head a little. “God, you’re both so stupid.” She stepped back, allowing Luke into the house. 

He could hear the sounds of Tom and Margo, Bob and Kim, Chris and Katie in the next room, but his focus was on the living room couch. Casey and Noah were sitting there, playing with little baby Jacob, making goofy faces to get him to laugh from where he sat on Casey’s lap.

Casey noticed him first, and he unconsciously tightened his grip on Jacob, looking at Noah nervously. Noah was busy trying to free his finger from Jacob’s grasp, but once he saw Luke standing there he froze, staring at Luke uncertainly. 

Luke took a deep breath, knowing he was going to have to make the first move here. “Noah, I, uh...” He wasn’t sure whether to plead his case, ask for forgiveness, smack Noah for being a dumbass, or kiss him. “Can we talk? Maybe back at my place?” he glanced sideways at their audience of three. Two of whom were watching them intently, while the third was trying to bite Noah’s finger off. 

Casey snapped back to reality first. “Sounds like a good plan, Snyder. I support it.” He pulled Jacob away from Noah with one hand, using the other to shove his friend off the couch. “Noah, if you need a ride later? Don’t call me.” 

“What?” Noah clumsily got to his feet, still halfway staring at Luke. 

Casey rolled his eyes. “You’re not allowed to leave his apartment, got it? You- both of you, actually- are two people who desperately need to get fu-” He glanced down at Jacob. “-Laid. Most definitely to each other.” 

“Casey!” Noah burst out, turning that particular shade of red Luke loved. “There are children present.” 

Casey shrugged. “Dude. Even Jacob knows it’s true.” He held up the baby for emphasis, and as if on cue Jacob clapped and blew a spit bubble at them. Luke couldn’t help but grin, watching a smile soften across Noah’s face too. 

Ali was still standing by the door, and she opened it again to let Luke and Noah through. She touched Noah’s arm as he walked past, “Seriously. If you need a ride...” He turned to her, and she smiled. “Casey’s right. Don’t call us.” 

The smiles lasted all the way to the car, and then they realized they were alone once again. The silence continued, but Luke figured that was better than the yelling. He drove more cautiously than he ever had before in his life,  _needing_  them to get back to that apartment safely. Needing to know they could fix this. 

Noah was completely silent, almost completely still except for the tapping of his fingers against his leg. Luke was tempted to grab his fingers and calm them down, and he was surprised at just how much he wanted to grab them. To touch Noah. He mentally smacked himself, concentrating on the roads again.  _No. Bad Luke._  

It wasn’t until they got out of the car in front of his building that he let himself do it. Slowly, way more tentatively than he was used to being, he reached out and took Noah’s hand in his, leading him up to the door. He half-expected Noah to pull away, but his heart almost beat through his rib cage when instead Noah’s fingers curled around his, the perfect amount of grip and warmth and steadiness and  _Noah._  Luke fell in love with those hands all over again right then and there. 

Emma was gone by this time, but she had left two burned grilled cheese sandwiches on the coffee table, with two mugs of hot chocolate. Luke looked around at all of the trimmings and decorations as he hung up their coats and couldn’t help but bask in the comfort of all of it now. Noah had done this for him. Had given him a home. Again. 

He took a deep breath, sitting down on the couch and motioning for Noah to do the same. “I don’t know which thing to say first,” he began. 

Noah furrowed his brow. “Which thing?” 

He offered another smile. “The ‘thank you’ or the ‘I’m sorry.’ I don’t know which I should say first.” 

Noah just shook his head. “No, Luke,  _I’m_  sorry. I shouldn’t have snuck around and gone behind your back with this stuff. I just... your mom said you weren’t planning on celebrating that much, and I didn’t want you to be unhappy, and after- after what happened at Thanksgiving? I wanted to...” he shrugged, looking away. “I wanted to make it up to you.” 

“Make what up to me?” Luke sat forward quickly. “The kiss?” 

He shrugged again. “It- you... it seemed like you wanted to forget it ever happened. And I’m sorry I made you feel that way. And hearing from your family how withdrawn you’ve been lately, I just wanted to find some way to cheer you up.” He looked at Luke then, eyes focused and sharp. “I was going to be here when you got back from work. To surprise you. I wasn’t going to hide from you, Luke, I swear.” 

“No, Noah, I know,” he kept his voice soft. “I've been kinda depressed lately, and when I found out you were in town I jumped to all kinds of conclusions. None of which were very fair to you. And hey,” he grabbed Noah’s hand again, holding on tight. “I don’t want to forget about that kiss. Okay? It’s all I’ve thought about since.” 

“Me too,” Noah admitted. “But when nothing happened, I just figured maybe I had come on too strong and humiliated myself. Again. And you didn’t want me to kiss you-” 

“We kissed each other,” Luke interrupted gently. 

“No, I kissed you,” he argued, not seeing Luke’s grin at the stubbornness. “And maybe I shouldn’t have. And maybe I’m really not what you want. And it wouldn’t be good for either of us to pretend otherw-” 

Luke couldn’t figure out any other way to get Noah to shut his mouth except by using his own. He kissed him softly but firmly, his lips taking control of Noah’s. “You’re always going to be the someone I want, Noah,” he murmured, keeping his face close. “Always. 

“It’s okay if I’m not,” Noah said just as quietly, even though his expression said the opposite. 

“ _Hey,_ ” Luke grabbed him gently by the face. “You are.” He wanted to rub his thumb lightly against Noah’s cheek, like he used to, and then realized he already was. “You’re my always. Got it?” 

“Luke, it’s just...” Noah studied him, his eyes thorough and serious. “You were with someone else. And if he hadn’t... if he were still here, you two would-” 

“You don’t know that,” Luke cut him off. “Yeah, maybe we would be. But I can’t know that. No one can. Look,” he took a deep breath, choosing his words carefully (surprising himself). “I’m never going to forget Reid. Ever. But not really for the reasons you probably think.” 

Noah’s frown deepened. “I’m not sure what that means.” 

He smiled a little. “Not because what I had with him overshadowed or replaced my love for you. But because he was an important part of our story. Because he helped push me to here. To right here. Because we still have a story together, Noah. You and me. We always will.” 

Noah was still studying him, searching for something. But finally, finally, he broke into a smile. “You’re stealing my Christmas thunder, Snyder. I had a whole speech lined up for later.” 

Luke laughed, liking how it felt, liking how Noah looked reacting to it. “A whole speech? You?” he teased. “What were you going to say?” 

Noah hesitated for half a second. Then he leaned in, kissing Luke hard. Like, really hard. Like how they used to kiss.  _Oh holy shit._  Luke couldn’t tell if he was seeing Christmas lights or stars when he opened his eyes. He could see Noah’s smile, though. “I love you,” was all he said. 

Luke managed a smile too. “That’s some speech,” he replied, his voice absolutely not cracking. 

Noah’s smile was shaky too, which made Luke feel better. “What else is there to say?” he shrugged a little. 

There was one thing. And Luke had to be the one to say it. “I love you too.” His voice had never been steadier in his life. He leaned in, resting their foreheads together, smiling. He added that word again, “Always.” 

Noah let out a sigh of relief and love and everything hopeful. Luke could feel it breathe into his bones, and pretty soon they were breathing in time with each other. Matched perfectly. Noah bumped their noses together to get Luke’s attention. “Hey Luke?” 

“Yeah, baby?” He said it halfway because he loved how it felt to say it, and halfway because he loved the look in Noah’s eyes whenever he did. 

Sure enough, those eyes went wider, sharper, bluer. Happier. “I’m gonna ask you something now. And there’s no pressure, it’s totally up to you, either way, it’s okay. Okay?” 

He frowned, a little worried. Squaring his shoulders, he took a readying breath. “Okay...” 

Noah regarded him seriously. “Will you eat some burned grilled cheese with me?” 

For just a second, Luke thought he had heard him wrong. But then he remembered what sat in front of them on the coffee table, and he had to laugh.  _Oh, Noah._  No one else in the world would do this. No one else in the world would make him feel this way. Grinning, he reached over and grabbed the plates, dropping a sandwich on each of their laps. “Of course I will.” 

“And, um,” Noah ducked his head a little. He tried to play it off like he was inspecting his sandwich, but Luke knew better. Knew  _him_  better. He smiled as Noah continued. “Maybe, if you feel like it, you’d like to have another one with me tomorrow? And then maybe again... sometime soon after that? But only if I cook them, so they’re not burned?” 

In some part of his brain, Luke wondered if Noah would always be like this, fumbling and stuttering and sincere and (admittedly) adorable. He kinda hoped so. He kinda liked the idea that he once again had the opportunity to find out. “Yeah,” he finally answered. “Yeah, maybe I will.” 

Maybe they always will. 


End file.
